To realize when you need space is a very difficult thing. When you love and you’ve been hurt so many times it’s difficult to trust again and your heart needs to heel. It’s difficult when you’re dating someone new and that person doesn’t fill you up inside the way the love of your life did.
-And why can’t you both be together?
Because you both committed so many mistakes and didn’t know how to treat each other. Because there was never any respect in your relationship. Because you were never willing to understand and he was never willing to go an extra mile. Because there will never be a translator you can call to get both of your points across.
-But your heart burns for him!
And when you think of the entire time you’ve known him it brings tears to your eyes because you wish things were simple just like when you were both young and all that mattered is that you were together.
-Why do we ask for more?
Why did things change? Because we wanted to live happily ever after. Because I wanted a Cinderella story and he was not willing to give it to me. Because something that was so insignificant meant the world to me. And because he wouldn’t realize that would make me the happiest woman.
-So, you try to move on!
And nothing seems right. You settle and end up worse than when you started. You end up confused, with another man who you do not love, and with mistrust. So, you try things again, but it’s too late and this man that you love so much keeps breaking your heart in ways you never thought before. He breaks your heart in such a way that you never want to hear the word love never want to feel it and feel numb inside as if you were a zombie on this earth. You don’t understand why you still love this man, but all you know is that he completes you. And even though you know you it’s wrong to love him your heart insists on loving him. It calls his name at night when no one is around and makes you think of him. Makes you scream your eyes out and hate yourself for not avoiding everything that ever happened.
-At the end!
You start to hate him and hate all men. You treat all other men like toys and use them to your advantage. Never trusting anyone again because your heart has turned cold, hard and black. Your heart is so damaged not only from the cigarettes, but also from the pain inside of you. And you have no remorse towards anyone and its as if you’re a living and dying at the same time.
-What do you do in this situation?
You leave it up to destiny and you leave the man alone? You keep playing with men to forget about him? Or do you give up on love?
Oh, it’s never different! It’s six years of *never* being different!
This is it! I am done! Don’t call me ever again! Forget you know my number!
In fact, forget you know my name!
And you can drive up this street all you want -
because I don’t live here any more!
~Carrie Bradshaw as Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City Episode 19 Season 6 ~
